People Suck – The Problem with (Vegas) People
People suck. But people are also what make Vegas wonderful. To be successful in Vegas at ANY time of year, you need to learn to navigate people. Not just physically as they meander along in slow lines hand in hand in front of you as you try to get to the f’n restroom!!! MOVE DAMN IT! …ahem. But umm, you also need to learn about people and what to expect of them while in Vegas so that your bar is adequately low and your expectations are exceeded.
Summertime in Vegas is different. We discussed this in Part 1 (Pools…mmmmm…), but the Summer season in Vegas brings out a different breed of people…
So let’s talk :
- 1. School’s out…so the youngins come out. Hey, I’m all about the next generation of Vegas lovers…but it seems the new class isn’t all about gambling. The good thing is, more gambling for you. The bad thing is…bros. Bros will empty out their trust fund and slam a hundy on the Big Six wheel buck spot and yell BROOOOOOO win or lose. So there’s like BROOOOO (pitch leaning down in disappointment) for losses. And then there’s BROOOOO (pitch high up and screamy in excitement) for wins. Same same for Bro Hos…the female equivalent…except they yell WOOOOO!!! See video reference here. – “Come on you lazy skanks!” When the kids approach your gambling area, order a drink, take a break, sit back and enjoy the entertainment – you save money and they will wander on.
- 2. That’s not an outfit…or it might be. People of ALL ages wear some ridiculous stuff in Vegas. In the Summer months it is even worse. We saw a young dear wearing her undergarments as a swimsuit. Well, it looked like undergarments…and she was soaking wet…so we imagine that’s what she intended. I’ve seen men in grass skirts with no shirts, skin tight patterned leggings on men and women of many ages, and folks using electronic devices (blinking lights, cell phones, other “devices”) as attire. Don’t stare. Instead, take a selfie and make sure they are strategically part of your background. Remember to hit your phone screen where they are so the focus is on the target and not your well-intentioned mug. Laugh later. Share with friends. They are wearing it for you.
- 3. Families…people think Vegas is a good place to bring their young children. It’s not. STOP IT. This is especially evident during the summer months when the babies are taking a break from 4th grade to get their drink on…their non-alcoholic juice box drink…as they watch mama play the slots one 40 cent bet at a time. WOOOO? Just be mindful that the kids will be around. I dunno what to do about it, but it happens and feel free to judge their parents harshly. …don’t blame the kiddos though…they were born into that mess.
- 4. Music Festivals…specifically Electric Daisy Carnival. My bestie Rachel is no longer allowed to choose our annual Vegas trip dates because of the one year she took us during EDC. EDC is a dance techno music festival and draws all the drug-induced college-aged Vegas rookies to town. They dress like crack addicts and act like stupids. The people watching is worth it for like a second, but mostly they do annoying things like take ALL the Uber rides and make lines long…long and SLOWWWWW because they pool their quarters and pay in cash…for their rooms at Cosmo…that evidently house 19 people. Ughhhh… so, maybe beware of the music fests on the calendar when you want to visit. EDC is also when I was almost licked by a meth head at The D…neat. NOPE.
- 5. …you could also…join the crowd? Vegas is for letting go. So, get a little trashy. Relive your youth a bit more (if you’re already young, you suck…). Get a slushy drink and tip Tabitha the bartender a 10 spot to add 5 more shots to each of your drinks. Shoot some Fireball. Hell…WOOOOOO!!!!!!!! BROOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
Have fun. It’s Vegas.
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